In honor of Media Day in Detroit at Super Bowl XL, I decided that I would stage my own interview with Pittsburgh Steelers star Jerome Bettis, who was kind enough to not answer the request I didn’t send for this interview. In other words, everything in this article is made up. But seriously, listen to some of the interviews today, and listen to some of the responses from people like Joe Tafoya, who will look completely star struck and confused upon being asked what it’s like to be married to Michelle Tafoya, who he’s not married to and is 14 years younger than.

Pete: Jerome, thanks for sitting down with us today. We know you have a lot to prepare for this week.

Jerome: Hey, anything for you Pete. I read The Sports Blog all the time.

Pete: So, you’re the one. Well, we all appreciate it. Let me ask you. The Super Bowl being in your hometown of Detroit, is that inspiration? or distraction? And please, I don’t need any compliments about how original my questions are.

Jerome: Well, Pete, back when I was in high school, I used to go to Ray’s Ray’s for some pre-game chicken and we won every game. So, taking that into account, I’d have to say it was a blessing that we’re in Detroit, because Ray Ray is going to have something special for me Sunday morning. Then again, three people keep asking me for tickets, so my cell phone won’t stop ringing.

Pete: Alright, Jerome, I won’t ask for tickets again. What would you say is the best part of Detroit for those visiting?

Jerome: Windsor, Ontario….can’t get arrested for a little pre-game “How’s Your Father” with the local prostitutes.

Pete: But isn’t that Canada?

Jerome: That’s right.

Pete: Interesting. And does Detroit have any unique characteristics? What sets it apart from other places?

Jerome: We invented urban sprawl. So, we got that. And we’re famous for our automobile industry, yet ironically, it takes at least 3 hours to get anywhere in a car.

Pete: You’ll be facing a tough Seattle team and a defense sparked by Lofa Tatupu. How will you handle that?

Jerome: Is Lofa Tatupu one of those new spas? If so, we probably have one in Detroit. I’ll just stop by for some pre-game treatment and we’ll all be on an even keel.

Pete: That makes sense. Can you compare growing up in Detroit to attending the University of Notre Dame?

Jerome: In Detroit, we burn books for heat. At Notre Dame, they actually make you read them.

Pete: Well, Jerome, it’s been a pleasure sitting down with you today, and I wish you the best of luck on Sunday.

Jerome: Thanks, Pete. One thing though — are you betting on us?

Pete: I was going to.

Jerome: Please don’t. You’re a “mush.”

Pete: Seattle it is then. Thanks, Jerome….and good luck.

All content in this article is false and fake unless you live in the mind of Pete Lieber, who could think of nothing else to write about at lunch, so this is what you got. Thank you.