I just got back from Vegas last night and the resulting war the organs in my body have decided to strike up in response to the debauchery that went down out there has not subsided. In fact, it’s still at full tilt. Speaking of tilt, I’m on it. For those of you who don’t know what that means, well, that’s a good thing, because it means you don’t gamble. A couple of things to remember for those of you who are going to head out to Sin City in the near future:
* Probably not a good idea to start a 4-day weekend in Vegas with a 36-hour bender…
* Probably not a good idea (although it’s not in your hands) to get out on top early, because it just gives you the itch to keep going, and going, and going, and going…
* Probably not a good idea to start your second day by popping a full double rocks glass of Patrone Silver…
* Always a good idea to take the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky at the sports book when they are favored at home…good times. That all being said, lets run it full:

BALL ONE: The Artest Trade — Since I haven’t been around I figured I would chime in on a couple of things that have happened since last week. The Artest trade is ridiculous. The Maloof brothers are out of their mind. I wouldn’t take that clown on my team if he paid me personally the salary I am supposed to be paying him. He needs to go make rap albums that don’t sell and invariably end up in jail when he resorts to a life of crime upon going broke and realizing that he screwed up the dream. I have absolutely no respect for Ron Artest, and I don’t have much respect for anyone that would want him on their basketball team. Then again, the Maloofs are in the casino game, so them taking a gamble shouldn’t really surprise anyone.

STRIKE ONE: Boxing in Bama — With all the Super Bowl hub bub at full force, it’s tough to ascertain any usable material in the thousands upon thousands of articles that will be written and ridiculous interviews that will be conducted. Build up is nice, but when you get to a level of build up that I don’t care about, that’s probably too much since I’m a junkie. Anyway, here’s the one piece of information that piqued my interest over the last few days — the Steelers have let up one, that’s ONE, 100-yard rusher in the last 31 games (Edgerrin James).

STRIKE TWO: Tennis and Vegas — Quick story from Vegas. I’m playing Hold ‘Em at the Rio on Saturday (very morning) and this gentleman proceeds to tell me that he needs to keep an eye on the Roger Federer match in the Australian Open. I inquired whether the gentleman had placed a small wager on Mr. Federer to win his quarterfinal match against a guy ranked like 4,038th in the world, and he replied that he had. The gentleman had bet $6,000 on Federer to win. His payout would have been $800. I remember thinking that, a.) I wish I had that kind of money, and b.) even if I had that kind of money, I would have been soiling myself when the 4,038th ranked guy in the world won the first set and took the second one to the wire. Ahhhhhhh, Vegas…..

BALL TWO: Favre Calling it Quits? — For the 43rd time in the last two years, rumors of Brett Favre’s retirement are circulating the sports cauldron on the net. If I were Brett, I’d stay away from this week, unless he has a surprising pension for wanting the limelight, for being the sob story. Everyone and their mother has felt sorry for this guy since his father died a couple years ago and he lit it up in his honor on Monday Night Football. Listen, I respect and enjoy Brett Favre as much as most fans. I understand he’s had some hard times at home. I understand it’s tough to quit what you love, but at this point, quit or shut up, and stop asking him. Jesus, if he has a uniform on next year, reporters will have something to write about. If he doesn’t, they still will. I don’t really care who scoops the story.

BALL THREE: Pied Piper Kiper — I can’t stand Mel Kiper. I can’t stand that his job is digging deep into the archives of the college football ranks to breakdown film and tell us who is going to go to who in what order in the NFL draft. Somebody, please create some sort of formula that determines the accuracy of his draft orders. I’ll even give him credit if he has a 70% average within 3 of the actual pick. Otherwise, don’t tell me he doesn’t make phone calls to find out team’s draft boards and plug in some sort of archaic Microsoft Excel formula to determine a guess at the order. It’s only the damn Senior Bowl and I’m sick of this guy already.

Have a good week.